Wacky Blog

#outlivingit #KIND

Today is the last day of the #outlivingit #KIND campaign for First Descents. So my post today will get to the heart of why Nick inspires me.

Back in Aug of 2009, he was feeling a bit mentally, physically and emotionally overwhelmed having endured a rough summer. He had relapsed in his pancreas in April, went through major surgery to remove half of his pancreas and spleen, completed several more rounds of chemo and radiation, and had just returned from a visit to Dana Farber in Boston to coordinate and confirm his future treatment plan. Our doctors gave him a 50/50 chance of surviving; the Boston doctors thought that was being generous.

Lee and I sat down with Nick at the kitchen table to just chat about it all, giving him a chance to ask questions, vent and share with us on how he was coping with the enormity of everything. Big scale alternative healing (i.e. Bahamas, Mexico, etc.) didn’t resonate with him. He didn’t think being a vegan would help, although he would still remain sugar-free with healthy supplements. Then we talked about attitude. He said he perked up a bit when the odds were 50/50, allowing him to stay in gratitude and remembering all those who are praying for him. Lee acknowledged Nick’s strength and example he was to us all.

We talked about the theoretical exercise where everyone in a group would put all their troubles in the middle of the room. Ultimately, each would pick up their own troubles again rather than take on someone else’s. Nick said, “I wouldn’t pick up mine again!”  Then he thought about it for a minute and softly said, “Unless someone else had to take mine.”  The wave of love I had for my child at that moment was monumental.  I have shared this touching story on several occasions, but I have never before shared what followed next.

He then said, “I understand that I inspire others, I just didn’t think I’d have to die at age 20.”  We held each others hands silently as Nick lowered his head and wept.  Our hearts broke and tears spilled everywhere.  We took the opportunity to reassure him he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.  This also opened up the door to talk about our spiritual thoughts and beliefs.  We encouraged him to remember God and His grace and although he wasn’t cured, he had certainly been blessed being surrounded with love from family, friends, medical staff and strangers.  We asked him to embrace his faith in whatever way he felt appropriate and to remember the power of prayer.  And that most of all, he wasn’t alone.

From that night on, Nick never again lowered his head.  He remained very present in everything he did and attacked life with enthusiasm.  There was “no evidence of disease” to be found for a full year after this night and he continued to be “Out Living It” until he passed away at the age of 22.

There is a fine line between knowing your odds and giving in to respecting your health limitations and living out loud.  He even ordered boating shoes two weeks before he died.  Some may say he was in denial, but he was just very intuitively aware that every moment he felt good, he knew he could go do something fun.

This is why Nick inspires me.  This is why we keep his legacy going through our efforts with Wacky Warriors.

Thank you all for the “Like”s these past couple of weeks.  I predict KIND will be making a significant contribution to First Descents.

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