In an effort to rejoin the human race in all of its glory, I decided to start by looking at myself. In all aspects – mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically – I needed some help. I entertained the thought that if I spouted the word “Idiot!” seven times to random individuals within a five-minute time span, that perhaps it could be me. Time to manage my stress, perhaps? The holidays are here – I’d better get a grip and quick!
I soon placed a call to my counselor. I expressed my troubles: “Why does grieving have to be so sad?” Three tissue boxes later, I asked “Am I truly grieving, or going through menopause or am I just bitchy?” Her answer: “Yes.”
Thankfully, my spiritual belief system has not waivered. My faith has actually strengthened during the past four years. So it completely took me by surprise when I burst into tears while attending church last Sunday for truly no apparent reason. The only trigger I can think of is that I was surrounded by those that love me and I was in a safe environment. Well, not thinking it is so safe now, I’ll tell ya!
Ok, let’s try yoga. Ok, let’s laugh myself sick trying to hold a pose. I totally count laughing as strengthening my
core. I have much to work on with the “mind, body, spirit” thing. Much, much work.
I did start walking with a friend 3 to 4 times a week this past fall. Now with the cold weather upon us, we tentatively went back to our local gym and attend the daily 9:00 a.m. classes (daily for the gym – more like weekly for me). I have concluded Zumba is definitely not for me and you already know how I feel about yoga, which leaves Step Fusion and Muscle Fusion. I can do those. Not well, but I can do it with little crying from me.
During our third Muscle Fusion class, we worked the entire hour on just our bi’s, tri’s and abs. Keep in mind I have now only worked out two times in the past four years. Near the end of the class, I didn’t use any weights, so couldn’t understand how my weak arms could shake so ferociously. In an effort to soothe us, our instructor said – “you know, you can give yourself an audible reward – something like a new cd or….” I looked at my girlfriend, still having no ability to raise either of my arms and stated, “Audible reward, my foot – I am SO getting a cookie for this workout!”
Turns out I justified 3 cookies, a piece of banana cream pie and 2 pieces of fudge. I had to wait until I could raise my arms again, though.
It’s good to be back. Our first holiday season without Nick is enormously difficult, beyond anything I can adequately describe. However, my conscious effort to ask for help has made a direct and positive impact – mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
Enjoy your cookies today!
